


Martin Crieff, or living on a dream ain't easy

by Lothiriel84



Series: Let's Talk About Me [3]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Gen, Meta, Nonfiction, Spoilers for Episode: Zurich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 14:59:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5210258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lothiriel84/pseuds/Lothiriel84
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin Crieff and the weight of the world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Martin Crieff, or living on a dream ain't easy

**Author's Note:**

> All transcripts are courtesy of Ariane DeVere.

> Douglas: …and… it was as if I was seeing the whole world through Martin’s eyes.  
>  Herc: That sounds unnerving.  
>  Douglas: It was absolutely terrifying! I don’t know how he does it! 
> 
> -  _Yverdon-les-Bains_  -

That’s it, that’s Martin’s whole life in a nutshell. People may see him as prissy and unnecessarily pedantic, one of those little men who’ve got a little job and so have to spend the whole time proving they’re just as good as anyone else; but the truth is that all his life he’s had to fight against people telling him he’s not good enough, and that he’d better give up on his dream - as clearly shown in this prologue of sorts from the very first recording:

> Martin: Ah, hello. Right – my name is Captain Martin Crieff. I’m the captain. I  _am_  the captain. I have wanted to be an airline pilot since I was six years old, and before that I wanted to be an aeroplane. Everyone told me I’d never make a pilot. They told me that I didn’t have the coordination, that I didn’t have the temperament, that I’d fail my Instrument Rating  _again_. But I proved them all wrong – eventually – and now I’m not just a pilot, I’m a  _captain_. I  _am_  a captain; and, incidentally, Douglas here is  _not_  a captain. Whatever he tells you, he’s not.
> 
> \- from the  _Interview with John Finnemore_  featured in the CP box set - 

The thing is, people tend to do that - either in a well meaning fashion, or because they can’t resist poking their nose into your private life. It’s incredibly frustrating to be at the receiving end of such treatment, though most people can’t seem to realise as much; being constantly under pressure to prove you’re not quite as incapable as it suits certain people to make out is not an easy thing, as Douglas eventually finds out in  _Yverdon-les-Bains_.

The world is a scary place when you’re constantly tilting at windmills, even more so since people can’t see said windmills as the giants they truly are to you. Procedures and regulations are probably the only thing Martin feels he can rely upon, hence him being particularly upset about other people’s blatant disregard of the rules - and of his own authority. 

> Mr Leeman  _(interrupting)_ : Okay, that’s about enough. What are you gonna do, Commander? Have me arrested? No. An’ I’ll tell you why not. Because your tinpot little one-airplane outfit needs me and my business about a zillion times more than I need you. You think you can scare me by marching down here in your Fisher Price When-I-Grow-Up-I-Wanna-Be-A-Pilot costume? Give me a break! You’re not the commander of anything! You’re a little guy who can’t get a game with the big boys and wears a uniform like a rear admiral’s to make up for the fact that he’s basically just a flying cabbie. Am I right?  
>  Martin: No! No, you’re not right! You’re …  _(plaintively)_  … a very rude man. You can’t speak to me like that. I’m the captain!  
>  Mr Leeman  _(in a mock sympathetic voice)_ : Okay, Captain, you run along now and, er …  _(he takes another drag)_  … try not to cry into any important equipment.  
>  Martin  _(tearfully)_ : I’m not crying. Your smoke got in my eyes.
> 
> -  _Boston_  -

The only thing that keeps Martin going is following his dream. He’s always wanted to be an airline captain, and now that he’s one - albeit on no salary at all - it feels profoundly unfair that people refuse to acknowledge this simple fact. He may not look like a captain, nor as yet have the right qualities to be one; but that doesn’t mean other people should feel entitled to constantly remark on it.

> Martin: Carolyn, I really feel I ought to do the welcome message. I mean, after all, I am the captain. People want to hear from the captain. They find it reassuring.  
>  Carolyn: Martin, when has anyone ever found you reassuring?  
>  Martin: That’s not fair!  
>  Carolyn: Look, I’m sorry, but this needs to be calm, relaxed and authoritative – none of which, I’m afraid, are qualities for which you are famous.  
>  Douglas: Mind you, they’re terribly hard qualities to find.  
>  Martin  _(anything but calmly)_ : I am calm! I’m very, very calm – and authoritative, and-and, er, the other one. What was the other one? I can do that as well, whatever it was.  
>  Douglas: Relaxed?  
>  Martin  _(frantically)_ : Yes! I’m very relaxed! 
> 
> -  _Rotterdam_  -

As I said on many an occasion, I am very much like Martin Crieff. I’m that sort of person that’s simply unable to stand up for herself, that alternates between impulsivity and indecision - not to mention insecurity, of course. That’s why I identify with his struggle, and can’t help sympathising even on those occasions when he’s not entirely in the right (such as when he finds himself fighting with Douglas in  _Qikiqtarjuaq_ ).

> Douglas: Can’t you just stand up to him?  
>  Martin: I try, but he just sort of steamrollers over me with his voice and his moustache.  
>  Douglas: With his moustache?  
>  Martin: Really hard to argue with someone with a moustache that bushy.  
>  Douglas: I reckon I could have a crack at it.  
>  Martin: I’m sure you could – you or Carolyn, but I’m afraid I’m not you or Carolyn. I’m me. 
> 
> -  _Wokingham_  -

> Martin: I thought you said Marvin impulsively did the first thing he thought of.  
>  Douglas: Amazingly, he manages to combine both: doing whichever is least appropriate to the situation. 
> 
> -  _Ipswich_  -

On the other hand, Martin has stubbornness on his side. He can be exceedingly single-minded when it comes to things that truly matter to him - be it flying for a living, or retrieving his Dad’s signet ring that’s been swallowed by a goose. 

> Martin: My biggest weakness, as a pilot, is that I’m not very good at flying aeroplanes.  
>  Oskar: Well, you’re right about us not having heard it before.  
>  Martin: I mean …  _(he sighs)_  … I’m good enough. Like the sim said, I’m adequate – adequate to the task. But I … I don’t do it easily. It’s not second nature to me. On your scale of one to ten, if one is the bare minimum of competence, I’m … about a four. And I used to be a one – no …  _(he chuckles ruefully)_  … I used to be a zero, and then I took my CPL again … and then again … and then I was a one, and then a two, and then a three, and now I’m a four. And I’m not finished yet. And that’s why you should employ me. That’s why you’d be lucky to employ me, because if you’re not naturally good – if you can’t rely on just knowing how to do it like Doug… l-like  _some_  people can, then you have to… well, you have to be a perfectionist, actually – and I am one. And that’s why even when you’ve turned me down, I’m gonna keep on applying – because flying is the perfect job, and I won’t settle for a life where I don’t get to do it.
> 
> -  _Yverdon-les-Bains_  -

> Carolyn  _(urgently as she hurries over)_ : Come on, come on. Where are you all? Twelve minutes.  
>  Martin: Er, yes, Carolyn. But, er, b-before that, though, I-I just want to very quickly X-ray all the geese.  
>  Carolyn: You what?! No, I’m sorry, Martin, I’m very sorry, but there is no time! Now come on!  
>  Martin  _(firmly)_ : No. I’m sorry, Carolyn. I carried the sheep for you. I climbed the tree. I rode the back of the truck. But now I have to X-ray these geese.
> 
> -  _Uskerty_  -

Over the course of the series we hear Martin panic dozens of times, his self-doubt so ingrained it more often than not turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, he also has occasion to prove that he’s indeed not quite as incapable as everyone else makes him out; he very nearly saves the day in _Johannesburg_ , and he does save it in  _Zurich_  when he rigs up his best impression of one Douglas Richardson. And let’s not forget that he does land the plane on one engine in  _St Petersburg_ , with Douglas’ blessing on top of that.

> Arthur  _(gasping with excitement)_ : Yes, brilliant! Well-well, let’s do that!  
>  Martin: Yes, but what have I got wrong?  
>  Arthur: Oh, have you got something wrong?  
>  Martin: I always get something wrong; and if Douglas were here, he’d point out what.  
>  Arthur: Well, he’s not. So … shall we just try it and see?
> 
> -  _Johannesburg_  -

> Arthur: We didn’t die, though, did we?  
>  Martin: No. No, no, we didn’t.  
>  Arthur: Because you landed us, brilliantly.  
>  Martin  _(laughing softly)_ : Wasn’t bad, was it?  
>  Arthur: It was amazing! Mum and me thought Douglas must have done it.  
>  Martin: Oh, thanks a lot.  
>  ARTHUR: No, but I mean, it was like he did it, but you did it.  
>  Martin: All right. Thank you. 
> 
> -  _St Petersburg_  -

> Douglas: Martin, I need you to calm down.  
>  Martin  _(very not calmly)_ : I  _am_  calm. I’m being calm,  _and_  decisive,  _and_  resourceful!  
>  Douglas: No, you’re panicking, and making the wrong decision with resources you don’t have.  
>  Martin  _(frantically)_ : I  _know_! Because that’s what I  _do_! So I can’t go to Zurich, can I? I’m not good enough. So we have to keep GERTI!
> 
> -  _Zurich_  part 1 -

> Douglas: That’s true, actually, Martin. That was very quick thinking.  
>  Martin: It  _was_  pretty good, wasn’t it?  
>  Douglas: Absolutely. You were calm, decisive, resourceful.  
>  Martin: Yes, I suppose I was. It was easier, somehow, when I was, I was pretending to be you.
> 
> […]
> 
> Theresa: But, Douglas, gold’s much heavier than copper.  
>  Douglas: Indeed.  
>  Martin: Yes! So if you replaced all the copper with gold, surely the aircraft would become sluggish.  
>  Douglas: True.  
>  Martin: Unresponsive.  
>  Douglas: Doubtless.  
>  Martin: I mean, just generally very difficult to fly … Oh my  _God_!! All this time I thought I was a lousy pilot, I was flying a notoriously hard plane to fly! Which had been deliberately made harder to fly by …  
>  Douglas: … being partly made of gold!
> 
> -  _Zurich_  part 2 -

In the end all it takes is for his friends to show a little faith in him. I honestly don’t think that’s too much to ask, even more so when it comes to people who supposedly care about you. Support, not judgment - that’s what we all need, the one thing we’re all secretly looking for.

Always remember to tread carefully when it comes to other people’s life choices - the way that they are, and the things that they do. A little kidness never hurt anyone; quite the opposite, as a matter of fact.


End file.
